PAIRS Competencies: Emotional Literacy

1. Comfortable with the names and manifestations of the five basic emotions, i.e., pain,

fear, anger, love, and joy. Identifies and expresses these emotions and can listen empathically

to them.

2. Recognizes defensive overreactions as emotional allergies based on painful memories.

Takes responsibility to reduce, control, and change inappropriate responses.

3. Recognizes being emotionally open vs. emotionally closed. When feeling attacked,

threatened, or denied, evaluates reality by checking out speaker ’s meaning and intent,

rather than assuming and reacting defensively via rationalizing-explainingjustifying,

withdrawing, avoiding, or fighting back.

4. Expresses pain, fear, and anger without attacking or blaming.

5. Listens without interjecting self-concerns. Creates and maintains emotional safety for

others.

6. Uses anger constructively to assert self, set limits, define boundaries, and effectively

solve problems. Expresses anger appropriately and safely to release suppressed

emotions.

7. Believes in one’s own value. Feels lovable and good enough without having to be perfect.

Accepts having healthy needs and actively pursues getting them met, including

the biological needs for physical closeness and emotional openness in an intimate

relationship.

8. Experiences and expresses emotions of a type and at an intensity that appropriately

fits and that sustains action in accord with one’s purpose, intention, and circumstances

(emotional efficacy).